dependency

It is an incredible thing to realize that there is someone in this world who is completely dependent on you and whom you know that you could not bare to let down. I have a lot of respect for nursing mothers whose life is not their own for months, but who willingly give of themselves so that that new life can thrive. The thing is, I never thought I would become a nursing mother, but I have of late been channeling my inner Michael Keaton (from perhaps his second most memorable role after Batman as "Mr. Mom"). My every moment is dictated by the needs of my infant daughter who will only take her bottles from me and has shown an unwillingness to accept any substitutes for her dad with no regard for the funerals and holiday services I am also responsible for. No sleep, no time for much of anything and certainly nothing which lasts longer than the prescribed three hours between bottles, but there is nothing I would rather be doing and there really was never any question that I would do what needs to be done(while still trying to make sure my 2 year old knows she is loved as well). It's not like I am alone as a single parent without plenty of help, but this has given me a new understanding that my previous role of support staff could never have done.

There are many forms of dependency, but none is so complete as that of an infant to its parents. At various times in our lives we choose who we will place our trust in, who we will depend on, and that bond can be pretty special, but it is still our choice and the infant doesn't have one. It is a question of not only who, but how much we are willing to depend on anyone. We have to decide how much of ourselves we are willing to give by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in our dependence. When I counsel couples thinking about getting married, one of the things we always talk about is the balance of dependence that is so important in a relationship. You have to have things which are yours, and other people you can turn to, otherwise the weight of dependency will eventually become too great. To fall in love and allow yourself to depend in part on someone else is a beautiful thing and it's truly a gift to find that so I do wish that for everyone, but there does have to be a balance.

The thing about it is that it's not just the possibility that you might be let down, it's the pressure we place on the other person by our dependence. For a lot of people (myself included) it is much easier to be the one that others depend on than to allow ourselves to be dependent. I suppose what I am learning with my daughter though is how deep and incredible that bond can be when we do let ourselves (as the classic song says) "lean on" someone else. It's actually inspiring to feel that kind of trust whether it is earned or there was any choice involved or not. Perhaps my daughter will teach me how to lean on those who love me more. I guess that's just one more gift our children can give us if we let them.